Title: A Lucky Man
Author: Selena
Summary: When Harm is injured, Mac has to face her feelings...with a little help from Trish.
Disclaimer: I don't claim any of this. No copyright infringement intended.

Mac sat silently, her eyes burning, in the stiff, hospital issue chair. She was thankful to be alone with him, if just for a little while. The Admiral had finally ordered everyone home a few hours before. Mac, too, had been given those orders. Luckily, AJ had seen the expression in his junior officer's eyes, and he didn't press the matter. Reluctantly, he had gone home himself, but not before he made Mac promise to call if there was any change...or if she needed anything.

As she listened to the rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor, Mac knew exactly what she needed. She needed Harm to sit up and begin arguing with her. She needed the empty ache in her heart to go away. But most of all, she needed to wake up from this horrible nightmare she'd been living all day. Unfortunately, no one, not even the Admiral, could give her what she needed.

Although she tried to fill her mind with positive thoughts, Mac kept drifting back to the scene that had played out in her office earlier that day...

Mac got off the elevator with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. The case she had been working on for weeks had ended, and she felt that real justice had been served. Walking through the bullpen, Mac thought about how she wouldn't wait to share this with Harm. Even though he hadn't been directly involved in the case, his input and support had been invaluable. Plus, it felt wonderful working with him again. In the months since Harm had returned to JAG, the two had finally gotten their rhythm back. Their working relationship had eventually gotten back to normal, and their friendship soon followed. And, if either one of them wanted more than friendship, neither one of them would admit it...at least not yet. Until then, Mac would be happy just being friends with Harm.

In fact, she was heading to invite him to a late, celebratory lunch when she saw someone waiting for her in her office. Mac knew something was terribly wrong as soon as she saw her CO's face. However, she was still unprepared for the news the Admiral told her.

"Colonel, I just received a call from DC General. It appears that Commander Rabb was brought there with a gunshot wound. He's in surgery now." AJ said the words quickly, hoping to make the blow to Mac as easy as possible.

It was impossible, however, for Mac to take this news easily. She stood there, in shock, but finally found her voice. "Sir, I would like to request immediate personal leave."

AJ knew this was coming, but he was prepared. True, he did have an office to run, but he honestly didn't want Mac to go to that hospital alone. So, he felt he had to say, "I'm sorry, but that's impossible. We all have some things to finish, and then we'll go together."

The Admiral saw fire flash in Mac's eyes. She fought to keep her voice level as she said, "Sir, I respectfully request personal leave, effective immediately."

'She doesn't realize I'm trying to protect her from going through this alone,' AJ thought. Then he realized that Mac wasn't the type who wanted or needed to be protected. Still, he couldn't help but say, "Mac, I know how you feel, but--"

AJ was almost shocked when Mac interrupted him with a, "No, you don't, Sir." Then, in a softer voice, she said, "No one does."

Realization swiftly flashed in the Admiral's eyes, and it was quickly followed by compassion. He then nodded his head and sent a prayer heavenward ...for both of his officers.

Mac continued to sit there into the early hours of the morning. Since that horrible moment the Admiral had told her what happened, she hadn't allowed herself to cry. Mac learned at an early age that tears didn't do any good. Her father had taught her that lesson well.

But now tears seemed to be Mac's only recourse. She had been sitting at Harm's bedside, feeling totally helpless for hours. He hadn't moved or spoken or batted an eyelash all day. A feeling of total hopelessness came over Mac, and she almost dissolved into tears when she heard a slight cough from the doorway.

"Admiral, Sir, I thought you'd gone home," she whispered.

"I did...but I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd come back here and try to convince you to go home." Looking at how Mac was sitting there clutching her partner's hand, AJ knew that this wasn't going to happen. Instead, he sat down and waited for Mac to open up.

They sat in complete silence for quite some time. AJ had almost given up any hope that Mac would speak when she said, "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean, I just can't believe it. Harm has survived combat situations, he's faced down terrorists and psychopaths, but he walked into a convenience store and took a bullet from some kid. I don't understand, Sir. It's just not supposed to work this way."

AJ waited, just to make sure Mac was finished speaking. He had almost said, 'Life isn't fair,' but he realized that Mac was all too aware of that. Instead, he sighed and said, "No, Colonel. It's not."

Several more moments passed in silence until Mac cleared her voice and said, "About today...I apologize for my tone. It's just that..." She broke off, but the Admiral responded.

"That's quite all right. And, I do understand, Mac."

Mac looked a little uncomfortable at that remark, but decided that this was the least of her worries. She slowly nodded her head and returned her attention to the man lying still in the hospital bed.

She was only a little shocked when he heard her CO say, "Does he know how you feel?"

Mac almost let a tear escape as she said, "No. And now I'm afraid he never will."

AJ knew no comforting words to share, so he only laid his own hand over Harm and Mac's joined ones. They remained that way for quite a long time.

The sun rose, and Admiral Chegwidden had to leave for the office. He extended Mac's leave time and promised that he and others would join Mac later in the day. She truly did appreciate the thought, but she knew there was nothing anyone could do.

Alone again, she thought about the words she had spoken to the Admiral. Would she ever be able to tell Harm how she felt? Was there any chance that he would feel the same way? And what would she do if she lost him?

Full of fears and doubts, Mac closed her eyes and gently laid her head down on their still-joined hands. Then she did something she hadn't done since those lonely nights in her childhood bedroom--she prayed. She begged God or whoever else was listening to bring Harm back to them all. She offered her own life if God would just let Harm live. Finally, breaking down in heart-wracking sobs, Mac fell into a dreamless sleep.

It was early afternoon before Mac stirred from her position by the bed. Even before she could raise her head, she sensed another presence in the room. She also heard a soft voice humming what she could only guess to be a lullaby. Jerking fully awake, Mac looked up to see who had joined her vigil.

"Mrs. Burnett, I'm so sorry. You should have woken me. I'll leave you alone with him now." Mac's words tumbled out nervously. Then she began scrubbing her puffy, tearstained face as she walked toward the door. These next words, however, stopped her cold.

"You love him, don't you?"

Mac stood in shock for a moment before she slowly turned and said, "He...he's the best friend I've ever had."

Trish made her way around the bed and laid a kindly arm around the younger woman's waist. "That's not what I meant, Mac, and you know it. You are in love with him, aren't you?"

The tears Mac had valiantly fought in front of everyone else were now shed freely in from of Harm's mother. She could only nod her head as she said, "I love him more than my own life, but--"

Trish stopped Mac with a gentle hand on her face. "No 'buts,' Mac. He's going to be fine. We have to believe that."

Mac's voice became a little stronger as she said, "I know, and I am trying...but that's not what I meant. Harm has made it clear that he doesn't feel that way about me. If everything turns out okay, and he comes back to us, I...I still can't tell him how I feel. Losing him that way would hurt even more than seeing him like this."

Trish carefully studied the young woman before her. "Sarah Mackenzie, you are in love with my son...and that makes him one of the luckiest men in the world."

Mac could only shake her head as she protested, "You don't even know me, Mrs. Burnett. I've--"

Trish cut her off quickly and said, "First of all, you need to call me Trish...although, I'd be honored if you called me Mom. And, secondly, I don't want you to get angry at Harm when I tell you this, but I do know a lot about you. In the past four years, not a phone call has gone by that I haven't heard about you. I know how you fight in the courtroom to make sure justice is served. I know that you acted as a Big Sister to a little girl who desperately needed someone. And I know how you followed my son to the ends of the Earth, just to make sure he was safe as he tried to make peace with his father."

Mac looked down in shame as she said, "There's so much that you don't know."

Trish used a finger to lift Mac's chin so that their eyes would meet. "No, sweetheart, I do. I know that you overcame a horrible childhood to become a successful, caring woman. I do know you made some mistakes along the way, but you've paid dearly for those mistakes. Somehow, they've made you a stronger person...someone you can be proud of."

Very few people had ever spoken words like these to Mac. She had once dreamed of hearing them from her own mother, but hearing them now somehow felt right. Because she could find no words to express herself, Mac simply said, "Thank you."

Trish gently took Mac in her arms and whispered, "Thank you for taking care of him. Please tell him how you feel. He deserves to hear it for himself."

Together, the two woman sat and watched the man they both loved.

Harm awoke groggily to the smell of antiseptic and the sound of his own heart beating. Momentarily, he wondered where he was. Then he remembered everything. He had gone into the convenience store for coffee...since Harriet had left, the stuff at JAG was horrible. The young boy holding the gun on the clerk couldn't have been more than fifteen. As soon as Harm had walked through the door wearing his dark uniform, the boy had turned and panicked.

Feeling the painful ache in his chest, Harm knew he had to be in the hospital. He also realized how lucky he was. Then he looked around and felt that he was even luckier. His CO was snoozing in a folding chair against the far wall. Mac and his mother were sitting by his bed, their eyes closed and their hands linked.

The two of them looked so natural together that Harm tried to lean forward for a closer look. The sudden movement caused him to gasp slightly in pain. Instantly, everyone was alert. AJ said he would go get the doctor, and Mac and Trish leaned close to Harm's bedside.

"Darling, can you hear me?"

Harm gave a slight smile and said, "Of course, Mom. How long have I been out?"

Trish let out a long sigh of relief, gave a silent prayer of thanks, and said, "Almost two days. Just lie back and relax until the doctor comes and checks you out."

Knowing that now was not a good time to argue with his mother, Harm looked towards Mac. "You're awfully quiet, Marine."

Mac could do nothing but stare. Harm had come back to her, but again she couldn't find the words to express how she felt...and she would have been too scared to say them anyway. Trish looked expectantly at Mac and gave her hand a slight squeeze. Mac began to open her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the arrival of Harm's surgeon. He quickly ordered everyone from the room and began to examine his patient.

Luckily, the doctor had good news to report when everyone reentered the hospital room. "It appears as though Commander Rabb is on the mend. The bullet did no permanent damage, and with a little physical therapy, he'll be as good as new."

Trish had grateful tears shining in her eyes as she said, "I don't know how to thank you."

The doctor smiled warmly and said, "No thanks are necessary. Commander Rabb is a lucky man. Now, we'll want to keep him several days for observation, and he should have at least a couple of weeks rest at home. After that, he'll come back for a checkup, and we'll discuss restricted duty."

Harm began to protest, but stopped as he heard, "Stand down, Commander. Doctor, I'd like to be notified about the results of that appointment."

Grinning, the doctor replied, "Yes, Admiral. And for now, I'll prescribe rest...for you and your visitors."

As the doctor walked out of the room, Harm looked around. No one looked as though they'd slept in days. So he tried to joke, "If you all look this bad, I don't even want to know how I look."

Trish had a genuine smile on her face as she said, "I fly over three thousand miles, and this is the thanks I get!"

Harm gripped his mother's hand. "Seriously, Mom, go and get some rest. I'll be fine here." Then he looked at his CO and said, "Thank you for being here, Sir. I really appreciate it."

Finally, Harm turned his head toward Mac. She hadn't said a word since he had woken up. Instead, she just stood there staring as if he would disappear at any moment. Although Harm was beginning to tire, he knew he needed to talk to Mac. He slowly reached for her hand and felt that it was trembling. With questions in his eyes, he said one, quiet word, "Mac?"

Seeing the tears begin to glisten in Mac's eyes, Trish said, "Admiral, how about we go get that coffee now?" Quietly, the two exited the room, leaving Harm and Mac staring into each other's eyes.

Harm gently rubbed his thumb across Mac's hand. "Talk to me, Marine."

Giving a slight shudder, Mac murmured, "I thought--" Then she stopped herself and took a deep breath. "You should really get your rest. I'll just go."

Harm stopped her with a gentle tug on her hand. "You thought what?"

The words Trish had spoken echoed in Mac's head. 'Tell him how you feel. He deserves to hear it.'

With her heart on her sleeve, Mac began, "I thought I'd lost you yesterday. The Admiral came to my office to tell me, and then I don't even remember how I got here. You were in surgery for so long, but they wouldn't tell me anything. Then you came out, and there were wires and tubes everywhere. I could barely tell that it was you. I just sat here beside you, but you wouldn't wake up or move or anything. It's like you weren't even here...and I'd lost you."

Mac's voice had been so soft that Harm had barely heard her. He had never seen her so pale or scared. He tried to reassure her, "I'm fine, Mac. You heard the doctor. In a few weeks, I'll be good as new."

Mac just shook her head, "That's not all, Harm. Before you woke up, I promised myself I'd tell you this if I ever got to talk to you again."

The medication was beginning to kick in, so Harm had to force his eyes open as he said, "You know you can tell me anything."

Mac took a deep breath and said, "I love you."

Harm was instantly alert. He started to speak, but Mac continued, "I know that you don't feel the same for me, but I couldn't go one more day without telling you. I'm sorry to do this to you now, but I just had to." Realizing what she'd just done, Mac began to move away. "I know you need your rest now, so I guess...I guess I'll see you later." Then she walked towards the door.

Harm's voice was weak, but his meaning was strong as he said, "Don't go."

"Harm, you don't have to...I mean, I understand how you feel about me--"

"No, Colonel, I don't think you do. I'm not sure when I fell in love with you. It might have been when you pulled me aboard that helo in Arizona, or maybe it was when I saw you get on that plane headed for Russia. Or just maybe it was the second I saw you standing in that Rose Garden. I'm not sure when it happened, but I am sure that it happened."

Mac was stunned speechless. She had never dreamed that he would feel this way, too. But when she looked in his eyes, she saw honesty...and love.

Smiling to herself, Mac said, "I hope this is you talking and not the pain meds."

"Well, I'm on some pretty good stuff, but I've never been so serious in my entire life. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie." Then Mac leaned in for the first of a lifetime of kisses.

At the small window beside the room, AJ and Trish watched the two officers.

"Do you realize how much work this is going to make for me?" the Admiral intoned dryly.

Trish just smiled and said, "Do you realize how hard I had to work to make this happen?"

Laughing quietly, AJ and Trish took a last look into the hospital room. What they saw there was a beautiful new beginning.



The End